In a high school English class, JACK, tall and confident, reads his Common Application essay in front of the class.
JACK: “Helping that family rebuild their home after the fire was — ”
SABRINA, knows everything, raises her hand.
SABRINA: Ms. Arnold? Can I make a comment?
MS. ARNOLD, sixties, was ready for retirement ten years ago, looks sternly at Sabrina.
MS. ARNOLD: Let him finish, Sabrina.
SABRINA: But his essay is all wrong.
MS. ARNOLD: Why is that?
SABRINA: His opening sentence didn’t pull me in.
AUTUMN, pugnacious, pipes in.
AUTUMN: And he’s telling and not showing.
EVAN, an overweight sage, speaks with authority.
EVAN: He’s trying too hard to be funny.
JORDAN, it’s all about the designer, fires back at Evan.
JORDAN: My essay tutor said humor is okay.
AUTUMN: Mine said to stay away from it.
SABRINA: He’s also selling himself.
EVAN: And he’s repeating things from his activities.
JORDAN: His vocabulary is too dull.
EVAN: His sentences are too short.
SABRINA: His paragraphs are too long.
MS. ARNOLD: Students, stop! I know you are all experts on the college application essay. But let’s allow Jack to finish reading and then we can discuss it. Jack, will you — ? Jack? Where did he go?
BEN, soon to develop a billion dollar app, replies.
BEN: Jack left. He said he was gonna join the Air Force.
For help with your Common Application Essay, contact Craig Heller at 818-340-1276 or firstname.lastname@example.org.